things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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