I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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