I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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