what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
