I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
