It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize