so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
