theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
