I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
