Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
