we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Two words: nipple clamps
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