Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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