Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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