OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This house was built for laser tag.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
