is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This house was built for laser tag.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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