he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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