i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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