fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Say something about gay babies.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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