the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
