who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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