I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
