I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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