Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
