So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
