I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
