Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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