I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize