I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
