I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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