shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
