love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
