I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
