just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
