"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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