k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
