I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
