tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
