my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Never joke about your clitoris.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
