your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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