hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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