clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
