tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
