Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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