Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
