We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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