turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize