it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
