Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
