I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
