Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
