When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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