I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did I show you my penis last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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