You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
