I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
