how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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