Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
