I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
