If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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