Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
