think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
