I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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