so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
