What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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