we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
