I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
