I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
