either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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