Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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