Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
