I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
