Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
