we made out on top of his cat.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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