My first STD was from a foam party
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
