Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize