called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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