3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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