Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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