dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
