forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
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