I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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