I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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