Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize