I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
