you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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