Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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