You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize