The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
