he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
