I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
