If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
