Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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