a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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