Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize