i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
