Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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