A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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