one might say we're banned from that church
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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