The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize