you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
