nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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