at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
