its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We need a shit load of segways right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
