ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize